Round two: Round two

So. I'm 22 now. Wow, well, my 21st year went by pretty fast. Subjectively. This year has been one of monumental mistakes, high stakes, and incredible lows. But I'm still here. Through it all, I've found myself through to the other side with most of my sanity intact. I don't think that I'm that much more effective or, really, that much smarter. COVID really mseed up some of my schedules, and I think I missed out on some potentially-very-fun experiences. I won't list eveerything that went right or wrong–I'll leave that for the Year End Review. Yet, despite all of this, I can't help but feel optimistic and excited. If a little, at least.

I'm growing older, and, as always, progress isn't linear. But still time goes on. We take our rests and make our moves. Not a beseechment to stick to script, of course. There's always room to be mindful and strategic. But I've got what I've got. Regret's going to stick with me. And at some points, I seriously need to take a step back and reevaluate my strategies. I think the second half of this year was definitely marked by the sort of carelessness in thought I wish to avoid… and that's what it is. Instead of resignation or despair (which seemed to have colored last year's retrospective on turning 21), I think I've grappled with more regret and acceptance this year. Doesn't mean I'm that good at it though.

Maybe a more traditional return form?

I think I'm far from being regimented, and it's unclear I want that (but of course the aesthetic, as always, is beckoning.) I didn't manage to regularly exercise or think about hard problems. But I did get better at learning Chinese, so that was pretty solid. I think i overall want to be more thoughtful and do reviews like this more often. Something about how having a little bit of systemized planning goes a massively long way, and there being huge discrepancies in how effective people are or something.

It exposes my thinking patterns and explicates my thinking; this helps me identify patterns I want to change. How can I encourage writing more?

Well, I think in general it's easiest to write about stuff when:

  1. I've just finished exercising and let my mind wander.
  2. I just fucked up and my brain's running on double time trying to figure out exactly what went wrong.
  3. I'm generally not that stressed out (like right now), and I can afford to lounge about a little bit.

Anyhow, I'm worried I'm not actively improving myself. Setting goals seems like something fun to do (does it really, though?), but obviously how do you hit your goals without tracking them. So there's that. For my 22nd year, I want to massively up my Chinese proficiency, 10x my investments, and make some more net-positive research for the world.

Shouldn't be that hard. Game on.

Last Updated: 2020-12-10 23:47
First Published: 2020-12-10 23:47